i think that… approximately 100% of the time, parents, teachers, etc… have this misconception that neurodivergent kids & teens don’t know anything about how to handle their neurodivergence.
for years, i suffered through people making suggestions of things that were things i had done, and either weren’t worth the effort or they actually made things worse. i told them this, and if i was still having any issues with the same problem they’d say something about “well if you’re not gonna listen to any suggestions…” when I did. they’re the one who didn’t listen when i told them that doesn’t work for me. They assume that because I didn’t try it in front of them (which is often impossible), I never tried it.
I tried doing my homework as soon as I got home. I tried doing my homework at the table, I tried working where I was comfortable. I tried listening to music, I tried working in silence. I tried using a planner, I tried setting reminders on my phone, I tried. I tell people that I have executive functioning issues and they say that I have to work on it like I haven’t been doing that as long as I’ve had to do things and it’s so much better than it was before. I’m as able as I am now because I’ve spent 18 years working on it.One of my friends has ADHD, and at one point when her grades dropped her parents took her phone, despite her telling them that the only way she can focus on her homework is to listen to music, for which she needs her phone.
I was in a study hall with another friend, who also has ADHD. Sometimes, they would be able to focus and do their work. Others, they would end up being entirely unable to and would do other stuff. The “instructional support” person would start bothering them about it, insist that they try. As if they hadn’t already done so.
I am tired of watching people assume that neurodivergent people aren’t trying, or we haven’t tried. We’re always trying.
Tag: ableism
mmm ngl the posts going around rn about how you’re not supposed to have to do shit for yr partner (phrased in the context of like, Making Sure Your Boyfriend Has Showered, etc) are all well meaning and indicative of a very real problem in men refusing to take care of themselves or learn how to exist in the real world,
but also how the posts are all phrased feel astoundingly alienating as a disabled person whose wife, like, does need to help me with a lot of “basic” tasks many people could do on their own.
like, sure, my wife isn’t obligated to do any of that and they weren’t obligated to marry me or date me in the first place but in doing so part of what they signed on for was being a carer, and we talked about that in as many words too, and i really wish anyone talking about the fact you shouldnt be constantly expected in any and every relationship to take care of your partner would acknowledge that that doesn’t mean relationships where that’s needed aren’t, like, inherently toxic or shitty. because people can consent to that kind of dynamic. some disabled people need carers! disabled people are human beings who are allowed to have relationships! if i have to read another post that says “if you’re the only one who does the dishes you need to leave your partner” i’m gonna fucking scream
dear tweens and teens: please dont equate “self care” with buying a bunch of useless shit because some shill account on instagram told you to. any type of “self care” that involves consumerism is snake oil and a better way to care for yourself and build your personal self worth is through self actualizing activities i.e. go make art, go plant trees, go volunteer for a food bank, go organize!!!
Or you could not be ableist and realize that self care is what you need for you.
Capitalism is bad, but we often all like… Things. Being poor and disabled often means you don’t ever get to prioritise what you want to have.
Self care is self care. Whatever gives you a boost to the self. Sometimes it can be as small as buying yourself a coffee or having a nice shower.
Art stresses me, plant trees…where? These things involve leaving my house, getting on busses, getting on trains, talking to people on phones and spending many days worth of spoons.
They are all worthy activities and to some people they would be a form of self care, and that’s cool.
But telling everyone that consumerism is bad like it is their fault that we live in a shitty system and telling people that self care is an external force upon the world that many people can’t take part is some ugliness.
I get we are all racing to be the wokest with the hottest takes but damn.
Doing art costs monies.
Planting trees also costs monies.
We live in a society etc etc.
Spend your money not spending money you snake oil consumerist scum!
To expand on what gam said, if you think about it, planting trees, volunteering for a food bank, and organizing are actually you caring for other people. They’re about giving to others, not about taking care of yourself. Like was said above for some of us they can be renewing and they can be part of self-care, but by and large they aren’t about that.
My suspicion is that people tend to equate doing things to care for other people with self-care because we tend to teach that our individual lives aren’t as important as what we can do for society around us.
Only, that’s the thing, isn’t it? Society *is* us. If you’re trying to do good in the world, part of that good is taking care of yourself so that when time comes for you to step up and do your part you are healthy and able to do that. There’s no shame in needing to take care of one’s own needs, because honestly most of the time life isn’t like an episode of Star Trek and you’re not going to be forced to make a decision between self-care and helping other people.
You’re just going to run into a lot of people who are really invested in making you feel guilty for caring about yourself at all, and even those of us that don’t think you should feel guilty? We still manage to push some of those unhealthy attitudes forward when we try to help.
Everything takes work. Make sure you learn what work you need to do to take care of yourself.
Or, if you want the pithier version:
Remember to put on your own oxygen mask before helping the people around you, because you’re no good to anyone if you pass out.
laws about minimum wage should apply to disabled people
laws about minimum wage should apply to incarcerated people
everyone deserves a fair living wage for their labor
wait, they don’t???
Not even close. Disabled folks can be paid as little as $1 an hour in some cases at whats called “subminimum wage.” Prisoners are sometimes forced to work without pay at all.
Hi, I am an attorney in the disability field. Many disabled folks make well under $1 an hour in what are called “sheltered workshops”. There are only three states right now that require people with disabilities to be paid at least minimum wage, and they are Alaska, New Hampshire, and Maryland. Goodwill is a major offender, but there are many, many others.
Here is a recent article on the subject: https://thinkprogress.org/alaska-minimum-wage-diability-b762e00ab279/
Disability benefits should be the equivalent of a full time job on living wage. Things don’t cost less because you’re disabled – in fact you often have additional costs of living. You shouldn’t be forced into poverty because you are disabled.
you ever realize how able bodied people just are not expected to do things that cause them excruciating physical pain? like they’re just. not
if i shouldn’t use my cane because i can sometimes technically walk without it, it would just hurt like a motherfucker then abled people should no longer be allowed to use potholders to take things out of the oven because i mean
well they could technically pick up a hot pan with their bare hands. it would just hurt like a motherfucker
*sees an abled person using potholders*
i just think it’s really sad that you’re giving up on yourself like that
if you use potholders how will you ever build up the calluses necessary to pick up scalding hot metal without burning yourself so severely? it’s like you’re not even trying to get better
I mean, my mother uses potholders, but she’s in her 70s. You’re just… too YOUNG to be resorting to potholders at your age.
If you start using potholders, your inability to hold hot metal will only get worse.
As a professional cook I was, and still am, able to pick most stuff up out of an oven without a pot holder. I might get blisters and maybe it will hurt, but usually it won’t
AMAZING! based on this one specific individual’s experiences i will now safely assume that it’s possible for anyone to overcome hand pain & leave potholders behind for good!!! as long as you want it bad enough, anything is possible!! make this story go viral so that all those self pitying losers who still use potholders know that there’s no excuse
☆♡LIKE & SHARE IF YOU WERE INSPIRED!!!♡☆
I can practically see the dripping sarcasm. I love it.
and i’ve mentioned this before but the common conception that ppl who constantly suffer become desensitized to suffering is perfectly wrong. ppl who experience repeated psychological and physiological stressors, esp in childhood, actually become more responsive to stress, w stress response systems in the brain & body getting increasingly sensitive to stimuli and having more prolonged/exaggerated reactions
what doesn’t kill you does not make you stronger, it makes you sicker and less able to cope biologically and emotionally w additional hardship
400% of mental illness is thinking this is probably just how hard life is for everyone and you just can’t handle it because you’re a whiny baby who isn’t trying hard enough.
some middle aged white dude who has never had a problem with his perfectly sculpted body in his life: Does replacing our flesh with metal and circuits… disconnect us from humanity? When you replace man with machine… how long does the soul stay connected?
literally anyone who has had a limiting physical condition, interacted with prosthetics or assistance devices: You really don’t understand the ‘Punk’ of Cyberpunk, do you?
Something a lot of early cyberpunk’s modern imitators don’t seem to grasp is that the reason early cyberpunk treats cybernetic modification with suspicion is because those modifications are often performed against the recipients’ will at the behest of state and corporate interests. It’s an explicit metaphor for the commodification of bodily autonomy under capitalism – and it draws a direct line to contemporary abuses of the same. It’s not by accident that the first chromed-out street samurai to grace the pages of cyberpunk literature is a woman.
dont be rude to people who choose to finish school before they get a job
dont be rude to people who choose to quit school in order to get a job
not everyone is capable to handle both at the same time
dont give me your shitty life story of “well i work 100000 hours and i STILL manage to find time for my homework. if i can do it u can do it too” like literally shut the fuck up no one cares and no not everyone can.
whitemanning critical 