Tag: Anonymous

I grew up in a v conservative home so I didn’t really accept/confront me being ace until like a couple of months ago. I’m afraid that if I come out to anyone I know they’ll think I’m a liar and doing it for attention because I used to almost pretend (???) to be sexually attracted to people to fit in, but like. anyways I feel defective and like a liar and don’t know what to do. sorry for putting this in your inbox, i don’t know where else I could vent about this safely.

its fine, you can rant to me

i dont answer my anons immedietly bc i co-run fuckyeahasexual, so i answer asks there all the time and i kinda just put off any asks i get here

pride month is awesome. it’s fucking great to be this open in a crowd that understands & it’s an energy i can’t ever accurately describe with words. but this hellsite. i follow a few blogs that, while not outwardly acephobic, do tend to lean that direction, and while i normally just unfollow, many of these blogs are super small fandoms. today i’ve had to unfollow six of them because they’ve posted shitty stuff minimizing the experiences of a-spec people. how do you deal with this sort of stuff?

i now know that these people are minimal. like, i used to be an exclusionist back in middle school, i know how they feel. its a totally illegitimate phase, its about being edgy and as cruel as possible under guise.

the more i hung out with older queer people through affiliations from working at local comic publishing titles, or by me meeting established local communities from my soaps, or me reach out to them, i know that ‘ace exclusion’ is such a non-issue for them.

i think its because they’re much less insecure, compared to these exclusionists. they’ve said their piece over and over, they know what words and actions have weight and what doesn’t. its the married, settle-down, and raising-kids queer ppl that gave me confidence to know that ace exclusionism is as shallow as a tumblr troll

ive only ever met two exclusionists in real life, both when i used to habit this chicago fet club bc like many queer young people, im lonely and ill do many things i may not actually desire just to meet more people like me. and both, of course, were young and not very nice people in general 

You really didn’t read my ask. IF you don’t disclose your asexual status BEFORE allowing a sexual person to believe that you are interested in them romantically, then yeah, you’re being dishonest. If you DATE someone, thus letting them believe they might be entering into a relationship, and you didn’t tell them that you were asexual before any of that started it’s incredibly unfair to the sexual person. It’s like a gay man dating a straight woman without disclosing that he’ll never want sex.

mmhas it occurred to you that no queer person in general is obligated to out themselves at any point. its really not your business despite any ‘righteousness’ you couch thats really only entitlement in disguise.

you know whats actually unfair? someone believing that all ace people fit under a monolith of sex repulsion and sex indifference, that suddenly problems all couples have (sex preferences in particular) are now a Big Problem because its aspec ppl in the picture. now THATS unfair

me not outing myself to someone who has feelings for me is so not comparable. 

Do you think most asexual people understand how awful it is to date a sexual person without disclosing beforehand? It makes me wonder if a lot of asexual people understand how powerful sexuality is for sexual people. Most of us don’t want relationships with people who just put up with sex. We want passionately enthusiastic sex partners. Being allowed to develop feelings for someone only to be told after the fact that sex is off the table is awful, it feels like being tricked.

are you seriously under the impression that ace ppl dont know that others prioritize sex

why do you think we struggle with trusting our autonomy, why do you think we hesitate to date others and come out to allo partners

and no, you are not being ~tricked~. you developed feelings for an ace person that doesn’t view sex the same way you do, thats part of them as a person, the same person you had feelings for in the first place, and if you actually respected them as a person that’s not a trick. ‘being allowed to develop feelings’ are you kidding me what entitlement is this

yeah yeah passionate sex is what you want. but us ace people will stay concerned about our own safety and sexual rights before we begin to worry about your dating preferences. itd be nice if you people began meeting us in the middle 🙂

Hey sorry weird question about what’s probably an old post I found tag surfing- I saw you said you’re Very Non-Dysphoric and I was wondering if because of that you think if you were “cis” you’d still take the same path? I saw another blogger say that going on T and being trans has nothing to do w each other it was just a coincidence and was wondering if you felt a similar way I suppose. Hope you have a lovely day!!

uhh tbh ive never thought of it that way, my train of thought has always been im trans -> and hrt sounds right -> im a trans person on hrt

so although im not dysphoric, and i dont attribute my transness to a ‘need’ for hrt, my hrt regime isn’t for any other context other than my transness

aka i take hrt also because i foresee a different-looking body for me that aligned with what people think ‘androgynous’. and not just because ive been interested in it for so long

so yeah probably, but tbh i also think not so