Tag: Anonymous

… uh not to be rude but can I ask why *would* hrt exist if not to help dysphoric/ euphoric trans people…? sorry aaa I don’t wanna be rude/ invalidating I just don’t think I understand

so do you see taking T as a kind of body mod? like in the same sense of people who will get split tongues/ tattoo scleras etc. :0

hhhhhhhhyeah i wasn’t disparaging ppl who take hrt to alleviate dysphoria or w/e its just that i dont take hrt for that same reason

and yeah i guess you can say it like that. because thats literally what it is; a thing u do to modify your body

This is going to be a really weird sounding ask but I was going through your gender tag and I don’t think I’ve ever heard somebody express their gender id the same way you do?? Which imo is really cool and fantastic but since you say you don’t experience dysphoria OR euphoria I guess I wanted to ask a really strange question that I hope doesn’t come across as offensive but how would you define the difference between yourself taking T and a cis woman taking T? Is it just your gender ID?

i mean, yeah i guess?? its the same difference between any cis person and a trans person. my say so. dysphoria isn’t the only reason hrt exists. dysphoria isnt the only factor for transition.

there are LOTS of trans people like me, but our voices tend to be circulated less. its not the tragedy porn people want to see. 

plus, informed consent hrt is uncommon, so trans people like me only have the chance to get it if they live near a clinic that offers these options, rather than having to shell out 500$ for a psychologist over two months to get a prescription letter, then taking it to a health provider for the hrt.

Hi there! Wanted to say that I really appreciate you doing “Asexual Sex-ed”. I was wondering if you have any advice for me. I am ace, and I am not repulsed to have sex with my romantic partner. The problem is that I’d like to be able to /learn/ how to do the sex better for my partner, because I want to please them. But, I am repulsed by pornography, or witnessing anything sexual. Do you know any way an ace person can learn to be better at sex, without having to watch it? Thanks a lot!

you can try written tutorials. for example, if you want to pursue insertion sex, you can begin by looking up how to do (insert position here), and they’ll have helpful tips on how to position the both of you, how to minimize discomfort, and how to make the experience overall be more enjoyable. look up positions that range in zone and position; sitting, lying down side-by-side, etc. because you’ll want to anticipate switching around multiple positions to find what works best, or because a certain position is tiring you. there should be multiple resources for all types of genitalia/tools.

but honestly, what makes sex ‘better’ is by outright asking your partner what they find most pleasing. everybody has their own preferences, its not like missionary is some catchall sex position that will work for everyone, or that oral is pleasurable all the time. we all have wildly different body sensitivities, sexual desires, privacy limits, and repulsions.

and of course, you may not know your sex preferences until you try them out. some might be surprisingly painful, some tire you out more. if something is especially enjoyable for you, make sure they know. they’re taking notes as well.

its one thing to learn how to reverse cowgirl from a written tutorial, its another to try it and verbally ask your partner how it feels, while also examining how it makes you feel. by repositioning the both of you over and over until the best is achieved, that’s how to Sex Better between partners. 

learning by watching porn is… i dont think it’s a good method. ive never referenced porn while intimate. partly because i dont get the appeal of a lot of typical porn stuff (can you not make a creepy grin as you stare into my eyes please) and partly because they’re pretty uninformative. a lot of this stuff is from scripts, aka these actors are told exactly what to do beforehand. and even with the stuff that’s not word-for-word scripted, you’re probably watching people who did a lot of talking off-camera. 

sex in media is this predictable formula of ‘flirting, sudden sensual foreplay, 30 minutes straight of passionate sex, and afterglow’. in real life, it’s common for it to be more like, ‘asking your partner what kind of sex they want, getting the tools and aids ready, tentative foreplay with communication still ongoing, 10 minutes of some sex, pause, 10 more minutes of sex, hey do you want to stop, yeah kinda, ok sure lets get a snack, later that evening we try oral and think its okay but not great’.

its only after repeated sex does it run more smoothly. you already know what works and what doesn’t. learning how to Sex Good is very much dependent on what your partner wants, and not cosmo’s next best position to Blow His Mind

I was reading your Witcher Blood&Wine meta about the dynamics of Dettlaff and Syanna, and I was honestly blown away at how in-depth it was. I walked away from the DLC with the opinion of “Hmm, it’s a shame Dettlaff did what he did if Syanna never betrayed him” but It was obviously more complicated than that. I’m surprised I don’t see more people taking Syanna’s side, so to speak, when you take a closer look at Dettlaff’s mannerisms and how he treats Syanna and other characters in the story.

But then again, Dettlaff is a handsome male character so maybe he has that going for him. As opposed to Syanna, who is a “problem child” and as default, walks away with the happy ending.

yeah on youtube, or reddit, or here on tumblr or w/e u see people dissing syanna and saying that the ‘worst/second-worst’ ending (where both the duchess and syanna die/geralt goes to prison) are the ones they chose bc either a) they had a lot of sympathy for dettlaff or b) they hated both syanna and anna henrietta.

like dont get me wrong, i have a lot of sympathy for dettlaff the character for many reasons, but i def sympathize with syanna more. when dettlaff finally figures out syanna’s true feelings, he does that I’m An Angry Man And Seconds Away From Having A Violent Outburst pacing back and forth, and all my interest for a sympathetic, anxious, and passionate vampire character flew out the window. 

and tbh its kinda completely out of left field that dettlaff would raze innocents to the ground bc he had a manipulative gf, i honestly put that on ck project red for that. but in context i still dont think its fair to have all this animosity for syanna when dettlaff’s body count outnumbers hers within a single night what she did over several years

we’re so forgiving of regis having a huge blind spot for dettlaff, but not for anna henrietta’s blind spot for her estranged sister. we afford dettlaff a lot of sympathy because of his inability to relate with human society and being ostracized, but not for syanna’s. and like,, i know perfectly well why lmao

both of them did Bad Things but …. we’re a lot more accepting of mr Alpha Wolf dettlaff 

(my blood & wine meta post about symbolism and relationships)

Hey idk if ur comfortable talkin abt this but could u elaborate any on ur decision to go on T…? I’ve been debating it for a while & im not dysphoric but u said u were also non “euphoric” so to speak so I guess I’m wondering how I knew it was the right choice? It’s ok if u don’t wanna talk abt it thanks anyways tho

because i knew it was for me, and that i’d do it eventually

just decided to start now cause i could

Hi, i was wondering if you could give me advice on the best way for me to relax enough to be able to at least attempt having sex with my partner. I’m sex-neutral more towards repulsed bc I cant get over my anxiety (i have ‘severe anxiety’ & am unmediated due to parents, & I rely on theanine). He’s not pressuring me, but we’ve been together a while & i would love to at least try to go that far w him. Tbh my roommate suggested weed, but i was wondering if you have any suggestions as a fellow ace?

i severely advise against using mind altering drugs to ‘relax’ your sex repulsion. weed especially heightens your senses and changes your sense of reality – not great for people prone to anxiety or paranoia. not to mention, it borders criminal behavior, because your decisionmaking skills are altered. 

you deserve to expect the best, as an ace. to begin sex, do so strictly on your terms. begin by sitting the two of you down, and saying explicitly how you feel about sex and why you want to initiate sex. ‘i want to be intimate with you, which is a big and complicated decision with me. and i want to discuss what i want to happen, and what i want to avoid.’

discussions like that – being very explicit about what will happen between the sheets – is pretty much what happens before all sex. so its not like its weird to literally go ‘so ima first bring you to completion using my halo, then you gotta oral me when im doing it, and after that we should talk about how we feel about PiV’.

also, i advise you to take premeasures to avoid/prepare for stress. sleep on this decision and examine your feelings, to avoid this being some impulse mistake. tell trusted friends your plans, so they have a hint about whats about to happen and you can turn to them if things go really south. also, sex should happen in your safe space, and not in an unfamiliar bedroom.