lgbt–period:

herefortheace:

Asexuality is a minority orientation not an (evil) ideology

Okay but ace/aro is kinda like an ideology. Not that it’s evil per se, but it can hold a person back from growth once one has latched onto it and found the tumblr a-spec community. 

I know quite a few people who identify as ace/aro or aroace. I’ve never met one who didn’t fall into one of these categories. They came to that label as teenagers, usually not entirely through puberty yet. Or they came to it after a sexual-related trauma. Or they came to it as a result of having a mental illness that affects their ability to connect to people or to identify those connections correctly (such as BPD for example). Or they came to it as a result of a side effect of medication, often anti-depressants. Or they experience dysphoria to the extent that having anything to do with sex in their current physical bodies is unimaginable. Or they’re dealing with internalized homophobia. 

I think they latch onto a-spec labels when they have the above by misunderstanding what sexual attraction/romantic attraction is for “allosexuals”. They get their idea of attraction from TV shows, beer commercials (sex) and jewelry commercials (romance). They have very little interaction with IRL people where they talk about sex and romance. Or if they’re school-age, they actually believe all the lying/bragging that goes on about who’s fucked whom, and the intense period around puberty where it seems like everyone has a bf/gf and are PDA’ing all over the place. 

Anyway, they’re at one of those vulnerable points I mentioned in the 2nd paragraph and they stumble upon the labels ace, aro, or aroace. It seems to fit them perfectly! And once they identify as that, they find a whole group of online ‘friends’ who accept them for all the things they are. Oftentimes, these ‘friends’ are adults, a category they feel separated from and hold resentment towards because mom and dad won’t let them be on the computer 24/7 or give them all the things they want. But here are adults who don’t do any of that and ‘validate’ everything they say.  

So they fall into the a-spec community. And for many of them, as time goes on, they still identify as a-spec even once they really aren’t anymore. They’re just unwilling/unable to give up on the ‘validation’ that the a-spec community gives them.

Why do I say they aren’t really a-spec anymore? Because they do start to have sex and/or romantic relationships same as everyone else. Only because they’re inculcated in the a-spec community, they come up with all sorts of other names for what is really just being like everyone else, us evil ‘allosexuals’. They’re not experiencing romance, they’re in a QPR. They’re not experiencing sexual attraction, they’re just ‘sex positive’. Stuff like that.

They have blogs that are full of the same kind of lusty drooling over celebs that all us ‘allosexuals’ have. But they can’t admit it’s attraction, so they come up with ‘it’s only aesthetic attraction. 

Or they are involved in kinks that are quite decidedly sexual and that yield sexual pleasure when performed. But that’s only being ‘kink positive’ or identifying the pleasure they get as only being sensual pleasure. 

Or they have blogs/AO3 accounts full of fics that are extremely romantic and/or sexual. Often in great detail, often bordering on the obsessive or fetishistic. But somehow this isn’t indicative of the fact they experience romantic or sexual attraction.

Despite all their denials they, for all intents and purposes, are experiencing the exact same things that allosexuals experience (because not all allosexuals experience ‘attraction’ 24/7 or under all circumstances). They are clinging to the a-spec labels because of the ‘validation’, comfort and familiarity that the a-spec community gives them. 

To me, this feels a lot like what people who eventually leave cults like Scientology say. They weren’t able to leave the cult because they didn’t want to lose the friends/family/familiarity that they got in the cult. They were afraid of what the world might be like without the comfort they had within the cult.

I believe that there are people who are genuinely asexual. But that they are an extreme minority. Most (who are not simply teens who have yet to pass through puberty completely) are simply unwilling to admit that they have left behind the structural things that make up the ‘ace/aro identity’.

If your own ideology hinges on the image of aspec people acting like ‘everyone else’, then of course your exclusionism is ‘validated’.

I’m a mod on fuckyeahasexual, a blog that gets 10+ asks a day. I actually know what’s going through the heads of aspec youth (and older) when they think of id’ing as asexual or aromantic. All those kids who wonder about their sex drive and comparing themselves to associates who have different sexual interests? Sure, that’s what they see. But that’s not the whole story and it never was.

Our relationships and sex lives are different enough that I see the need to write about asexual explicitry 101, and also to our allosexual partners. I talk about things like; consent without actually desiring your partner, or the trend of teratophilia amongst specifically aspec and trans people, or how to live with hypersexuality, and beyond. These discussions are new, but its obvious that they’re long since needed. 

Sure, we have relationships and sexual lives and persons of interest. And that’s something youth aspec people go in knowing and expecting. But they find us because of very key differences in our attractions – the idea that people are aroused by other humans. Or that people find lifelong relationships based primarily on how sexually attracted they are to each other. Or defining love, a human virtue, as something you never experience.

You know what’s an ‘ideology’? The claim that your identity is shaped by what your oppressors demand of you, and nothing else. THAT’S what demands absolute fidelity and sacrifice to retain your place, or you eventually become the fringe that needs shaving off for the sake of everyone’s reputation. 

The aspec community is barely an ‘ideology’ compared to your radicalism. At most, our community ties are linked by our wide-spread acceptance for diversity. Every new-coined phrase or discussion is in fact hardfought, because there are plenty of us that rather we limit ourselves to define asexuality to fit definitions created by people like you. To please you.

Because that’s more important than exploring journeys and aspec experiences as they discover more of themselves. Instead, shed all those words we’ve coined to limit your complexity so that Chris McWhiteTwink doesn’t have to choke himself on the word ‘demisexual’.

If that’s your idea of ‘growth’, then I wonder exactly how ‘grown’ you are.

makingqueerhistory:

electricterror:

makingqueerhistory:

Asexual people are not a “new trend”. And it is sort of ironic that you use that language to describe them since it has been used to describe every letter in the acronym constantly, and that stigma is one this project was created to fight. 

The idea that somehow asexual people don’t belong or deserve to be respected because the identity is seen as a “trend” alone gives them enough in common with the rest of the community for me to believe that they deserve to be a part of the queer movement. 

But to pretend that asexual people have not been a part of our community ever before is ahistorical (see article above) and honestly, a tired and boring argument that has been debunked so many times I am almost bored of it. 

So if after all that you still are unsure of our stance on inclusion within the queer community try reading our articles and it may help clear that up for you.

I have been read for the ages. 😒 I never said asexuals were a new trend. I only asked about clarification on your thoughts on cis gendered asexuals that aren’t romantically attracted to the same sex demanding inclusion in the LGBT community now in the modern age. I don’t recall these asexuals I am speaking of wanting to be consisted LGBT in the 60’s through the 2010’s until the last few years.

You’re an inclusionist, kool. I don’t know what an article about sapphic asexuals in 17th century China has to do with my question. I never asked about gay asexuals historically.

Don’t twist my words then come for my wig when you’re literally begging for Patrons every other day for what amounts to small, but admittedly interesting well written, articles that lots of LGBT/Queer studies majors could do on 4 hours of sleep.

Become a Patron of my project literally begging for Patrons every other day for what amounts to small, but admittedly interesting well written, articles that lots of LGBT/Queer studies majors could do on 4 hours of sleep to make an aphobe angry.

Me: cis straight people make me feel uncomfortable, tbh.
An exclusionist, crawling onto my porch: yes, my fellow LGBTPN, i too hate the cishets! that is why we must defen–
Me, swinging a broom wildly in their direction: SHOO! OUT! AWAY!!

420theatricalroses:

dilutedd:

next-venoms:

anyway if i can deal with having cis people in the community u all can deal with aros and aces

yeah that’s different. next

ur right, cis people are worse, but it’s the best comparison I can make