(You can also check out my other asexual sex-eds – on bdsm, consent, sexual health, and mental self care. I’m no licensed doctor – I’m writing based solely on my own experience. My words are just one voice in what hopefully will soon be a menagerie of ace sex ed.)

If you’re active in the sex-repulsed community, you might have seen the complaints of high libido. The quickest way of reducing a libido is to achieve an orgasm, but that’s easier for some people more than others. It’s common to hear of people who are desperately trying to orgasm to avoid getting anxiety or panic attacks. And for some people, having an orgasm is a trigger for a panic attack.

And for those who don’t experience sex repulsion, they also might have difficulty with masturbation that they want to fix. Masturbation is basically a form of self-care, and everyone is due information and advice regardless of their sexual orientation.

Below is a sex-ed post written specifically with aces in mind. Warning; explicit imagery will be linked. No explicit imagery will be visible in the post.

Basic Anatomy 101

As you might have heard, some people have much more difficulty getting themselves off. Everyone’s body is radically different from the other – I used to be a front-desk receptionist for a spa, and there was no way to predict whether one client would react badly to a Brazilian wax compared to the next. Diversity in sensitivity is wild, and real.

(Splitting organs into penises and vaginas); a penis is one large sex organ. This means that stimulating a penis is pretty straightforward. The foreskin of the penis is usually the most pleasurable part, forgoing those who have it missing. And the prostate – the gland that’s part of the semen-producing process – is located internally at the root of the penis, and is also sensitive to stimulation through the anal wall. Sensitivity throughout the organ varies from person to person.

In comparison, the vagina isn’t just a sex organ. It’s also a birth canal. This means that the vagina doesn’t inspire sexual pleasure all throughout its entirety the same way a penis does. Only the clitoris contains the same nerves as a penis, while the vulva, labia, and most of the inner walls are just as exciting as our knee. In comparison to the penis, the clitoris is more sensitive to stimulus.

The ‘g-spot’ is the name for a specific erogenous zone in the inner walls of the vagina canal. It’s the only real erogenous spot in the vagina that can inspire a climax. Thing is, though, it has not been proven to exist, and no one really knows what it is. It’s been hypothesized that the g-spot is just an extension of the clitoris, while others claim its a collection of Skene’s Gland nerves. And more claim that it doesn’t exist at all.

Regardless, the g-spot usually isn’t the first and foremost option for sexual stimulation for many people with vaginas. 

Libido For Aces

There’s many things that could limit your ability to achieve orgasm;

• Hormonal medicines. Birth control, HRT, over-the-counter supplements, thyroid medication, and some antidepressants/benzodiazepines. It can be hard to predict how they can affect you. For some people, they’ll increase your libido and therefore your ability to orgasm. For others, they’ll decrease it. And often things will go through changes of ups and downs throughout a period. There’s multiple brands and formulas of any kind of hormonal medication, which means that one might affect you differently than the other.
• Alcohol, nicotine, melatonin and other depressants. They’re called depressants because they reduce nervous activity, AKA your body’s ability to relay neuron information to your brain. You’ll hear of erectile dysfunction due to alcohol often, and it’s not without reason.
• Stress. A big one, and probably one that you’re familiar with. If you’re worried about your next big exam, you’ll find it harder to orgasm. If you’re sleep deprived, it will also affect it. Even caffeine and nicotine might limit your libido.

Sexual libido exists on a separate plane than sexual orientation – aces have wildly varying libidos like everyone else. And while a low libido can definitely meld and conflict with the concept of having a lack of sexual orientation, for many people the two are noticeably different.

For those who meld the two (low libido and lack of sexual attractions), self-stimulating gets more complicated. 

Heightening Pleasure For Aces

Touching and petting often doesn’t do much for those who are literally unattracted to the initiator. For aces, there’s no need for any sensual buildup or erotic foreplay. There’s no sexual energy to build, basically.

Sexual attraction can’t be excited through the textbook methods of kissing, petting, and rolling around, but the ace body can definitely respond to physical stimulus. There are ways of increasing the pleasure of sex, but they’re not going to be those ‘passionate, eating each other’s face’ types. Instead, they’re going to be straightforward tricks that are solely dedicated to elevate the body’s stimulation. So giving neck hickies probably won’t do anything, but nipple stimulation or prostate massaging will. It’s not always that difficult to differentiate what stimulates sexual attraction, and what stimulates the body.

For many aces, the general rule is just to turn on a magic wand, stick it on the erogenous zones, and call it a day. In fact, electro-stim toys are the run-of-the-mill method of sexual self-care amongst aces. If I’ve got a high libido, but no interest in anybody, then there’s no reliable way to elevate the experience, especially when another person is involved. So we turn to things that get the job done and fast. A powerful vibrator does wonders in resolving an inconvenient libido without getting arm cramps.

According to Cosmo and other reputable sources, people with vaginas need to be kissed and petted in order to lubricate their no-no hole, otherwise penetration might be painful. But of course, foreplay is gonna be an enjoyable activity for an allo sexually attracted to a participating partner(s). For an ace person, just use a generous dollop of k-y jelly and circumvent the roses that likely wouldn’t make a difference pleasure-wise anyways.

Quick Word On Masturbation;

Lots of people wonder if they masturbate too much, or too often, or too little, or for too long/short. Especially aces, because our sexual life is under strict scrutiny. There’s no panacea when it comes to what someone enjoys in their stimulus. It’s common for people to masturbate 10-15 minutes once a day. It’s common to rarely masturbate. It’s common to begin a masturbation scene by first wearing a butt plug in public for hours, and then inventing a sole-role-play scenario. It’s all common and normal.

For many people, they explore what they like and stick to what works. Sometimes, people do get tired of doing the same thing over and over, so they might try something completely different, or switch things up just slightly. Some people have more trouble than others. Some haven’t yet discovered anything that really works for them. Some are mishandling their tools/organs and haven’t yet become coordinated with what works, and a select few literally don’t have anything that works.

That’s all ok, and a Thing. You don’t ever have to feel ashamed or alone in what you do in your own time.

Achieving Orgasm – Tools And Tricks

Specific parts of the body can be stimulated to increase sexual pleasure;

• Nipples. They’re an intense erogenous zone for all genders, and nipple stimulation is a popular erotic practice. Super Sexy Science has proven that nipple stimulation directly releases oxytocin and dopamine – hormones responsible for ‘bonding emotions’ and sexual arousal. Most nerves in the nipple are located within the nipple itself, while the areola around less so. 
• Feet. Don’t scoff, there’s science behind it, enough to justify torture tactics and folk medicine; nerves in the feet go directly to the brain, making the feet a powerful erogenous zone. Self-stimulating your feet can be difficult because the nerves aren’t that responsive to self-induced touch, but using ice or fabric/fur textures is a known masturbation practice.
• The ear, the armpit, the anus and the navel are also very sensitive areas prone to stimulus. However, these range from person to person. It’s common for all erogenous zones to range in reliability.

And of course, there’s toys and how to use them;

•  Vibrators. Wands, bullets, and other appliances. They’re the go-to tool for self-stimualtion. Wands are vibrators with a handle and a vibrating head. Bullets are a smaller, often battery-powered variety. And you also have vibrating insertables, such as dildos and butt plugs. 
• The most well-known vibrator is the Hitachi Magic Wand, a large, plug-in tool that vibrates at the head. It’s powerful, well-known, and the company is reliable. However, it’s an old design, which means it’s loud, it’s heavy, gets heated with use, the head is textured and hard to clean, and the cord gets damaged by repeated twisting. They also come at the hefty price of 60-80$.
• Alternative to the Hitachi is the Shibari Halo series, a producer that has an upgraded form of the Hibatchi wand. They’re much quieter, are rechargable rather than plug-and-use, are smooth and easy to clean, lightweight, come at a more reasonable  20-30$, and are nicer to look at.
• There’s also insertable vibrator toys, designed to be waterproof and completely body safe. Some vibrate throughout its shaft, providing a large coverage. Some are called ‘rabbit’ vibrators, which refers to insertable vibrators designed specifically to stimulate both the G-spot and the clitoris at the same time. 
• Vibrating bullets are small, cheaper, versatile toys. Some are body safe and can be used for insertion, and some are designed to fit inside hollow dildos/other toys. Due to their size and how they vibrate, they can be a little hard to coordinate, and for some (especially those with penises) their size doesn’t give enough stimulus.
• Plain insertables. Dildos, butt plugs, sounding rods, prostate massagers. It can be difficult to find an insertable that actually works for you, and you might have to navigate through different sizes, designs, and material. To achieve successful stimulus, you want to find insertables that minimize pain while properly stimulating your erogenous zones. For some people, that means something huge, soft, and bendy for flexibility. For others, it means something stiff and thinner for precision.
• Glass and hard material dildos come in diverse textures and shapes. Many are designed to be artful and pleasing to the eye. They’re also easy to clean, and it’s not hard to find one that’s affordable. 
• Silicon dildos mimic the bendiness and texture of actual human flesh, and can be maneuvered within the body. They come in a variety of hardness, ranging from very soft to leather-stiff. Some come with suction, allowing you to adhere the bottom of the dildo to a flat surface. However, to get a body-safe silicon toy, you want to make sure that the materials are poreless and not flakey, which means a price jump if you’re buying from a designer supply.
• Butt plugs and prostate massagers are tools designed specifically for the anus, and to stimulate the anal wall. They’re made out of smooth, waterproof materials that are easy to clean and insert. Butt plugs stay within the body and shift when moving, while prostate massagers reach within the anus and stimulate the wall closest to the prostate gland, often with vibration.
• Sounding rods are thin tools designed to be inserted into the urethra. They can be used on anyone, but some may have more difficulty using them than others. Like butt plugs, they increase in size as the urethra stretches and opens up. 
• Fleshlights and sex doll masturbators are penetration toys designed to mimic or enhance the experience of PiV/A sex. They can come in vibrating formats, or textured ones.
• There’s also nipple clamps and nipple suckers, designed to arouse the nipple and increase sensitivity. They can be jolted and used to stimulate during self-play.
• More expensive toys include Sybian machines/vibrating furniture, and sex machines. These investments hit high prices – often up to $500 at least – and you have to do your research about the supplier to make sure the machine isn’t faulty, or non-body safe. 

Conclusion

So there you have it; a little 101 on masturbation specifically written for aspec people. Remember; finding your way is always difficult, but masturbation and sexual stimulus never acts in opposition to your chosen identity. You enjoy what you enjoy, and you’re attracted to what you’re attracted to.