robobones:

shepard: adopts a krogan

ryder: is adopted by a krogan

robotslenderman:

robotslenderman:

etienne-bessette:

@fleshofthefallenangel 

So because discussion of meta is going on @admiraloblivious decided to look up a thing and found some shit out that neither of us knew because neither of us read the codex entries and THIS SHIT IS HILARIOUS

The First Contact War. I had been under the impression that the First Contact War with the Turians was this big epic huge thing that took like 2 years or something. And because we play the game from a human’s perspective, it sounded like this big huge deal and we were defending our entire race and planet from literal extinction and death.

It lasted 3 months.

Here’s what actually happened.

Humans discover the Mars Prothean beacon and our technology gets FTL’d 10,000 years into the future. We are so not ready for this shit, but we are enthused as BALLS. So with our new and shiny tech we go and find this Mass Relay! It is inactive.

It’s inactive because it’s not supposed to be used, per Council law, because there are essentially primitives living there (us). 

We activate it and zoom through.

Pan to the Turians, who are basically the galactic POLICE. They look at this and go “what the fuckety shit? that’s not supposed to happen” *cracks knuckles* “let’s go fix it”

And the turians find humans and go “who the shit are you stop breaking the law asswipes”

And the humans go “WE’RE HUMANITY WE’LL FIGHT YOU, YOU CAN’T TELL US WHAT TO DO”

And the turians take exception to that. Because they’re the POLICE enforcing GALACTIC LAW and who do these squishy punks think they are anyway?

So the Turians spend three months ATTEMPTING TO ARREST US FOR BREAKING THE LAW. Three months that the humans, because we’re humans and have NO IDEA what’s going on, believe is a fight for their lives and planet and entire existence as a sentient species.

After three months, the Council gets wind of this. They look at the situation and are like “WHAT are you DOING???”

The turians respond logically that they are upholding the law.

“ARE YOU NUTS THESE PEOPLE OBVIOUSLY DON’T KNOW WHAT THE LAW IS”

“but they broke it. We’re fixing it”

“NO STOP IT. What are you doing. You are going to stop and you are going to make reparations RIGHT NOW to this tiny emergent species while the rest of us sit them down and inform them of the existence of the laws and also the galactic community, you melodramatic shits”

And the turians grumbled and whined and kicked their heels but finally paid reparations.

And that is why humanity has the impression they do of aliens, and why the First Contact War is nowhere nearly as big a deal to the turians as it is to the humans. Humans thought it was a war. The Turians were trying to give us a speeding ticket.

The funniest thing (or, er, not so funny if you’re actually on Shanxi) about this is that turians would use tractor beams to take fragments of asteroids and chuck them onto the colony and level city blocks. And let’s be real, that’s the most turian response to resisting arrest that ever existed.

Also, can you imagine the stereotype this gives humans? Turians try to give us a speeding ticket and we call it war. Asari are peacekeepers, salarians are scientists, turians are warriors… and humans are drama queens. Couple that with an aggressive push for equal status in the Council and our penchant for protests over thirty years and I bet humans are seen as The Tantrum Species.

barbex:

In one of those “humans, the weird aliens” posts that came around recently (I apologize to the creator but I’m unable to find it to source it) the aspect of human ability to survive anything and being utterly disregarding of their own safety was mentioned.

And that started this whole headcanon how thunderstorm season is considered this super dangerous weather on Palaven when turians would just stay home and wait the storms out.

Just imagine the crew back in ME1 stopping on Palaven:

“Sorry, Commander,” Garrus says, scanning reports on his omni-tool. “Calamitae season came early this year, we’ll have to wait out the storms here at the port for a few days.”

“What do you mean, when it’s raining, you don’t go outside?” Shepard asks.

“Calamitae is a bit more than just rain.”

Shepard goes to the window and looks outside. Dark grey and blue clouds fill the sky, boiling and rolling in the storms. Rain splashes against the windows and makes the mass effect fields swirl in blue circles at every impact.

“It looks just like the storms at home, when I was a child. Mindoir always had great storms.” Shepard has a faint smile on her face and Garrus watches her. The Commander doesn’t speak often of her childhood before the batarians attacked the colony.

“We just have to wait it out, Calamitae storms usually pass after a day.”

The Commander snorts. “I’m not staying inside just because it rains a bit.”

“It’s a storm, Commander. Turians have always waited out the Calamitae storms,” Garrus explains but he can see that he’s not convincing her. That grin is spreading on her face, that grin he has learned to fear.

“Oh please, we’re not hiding because of a little storm,” she says. “Hey, Alenko, what would you call this weather out there?”

“Canadian summer, Commander,” Alenko says without missing a beat. “A bit warm though.”

“Damn right. Put on your coats guys, we’re going outside.”

Garrus’ mandibles hang slack in disbelief as he watches the humans cover themselves and their gear with a hooded tarp and walk outside into the inferno of the Calamitae. They stomp forward like the storm is not trying to rip off their clothes, gear, and the skin off their faces.

They even sing and grin while they splash through the puddles on the ground. Garrus turns to the representative of the port authority, who is probably questioning his own sanity as he watches the humans walk through the storm. 

“I need to borrow your environmental hazard gear,” Garrus says. 

The turian looks at him wide eyed and trills in shock. “Yes, of course. It’s military grade. You should be fine.” He casts another look through the window. “Probably.”

“Spirits help me,” Garrus says. No wonder Shanxi had been such a disaster. Someone should have warned the turians that humans were crazy.

lucilles-thing-a-ma-bob:

garyvakarian:

i love the idea of mental health services being a thoroughly incorporated and non-stigmatized part of turian society. with their culture and structure being so militaristic, it would make sense that they prioritize mental wellness for everyone. to shepard’s surprise, who at this point is so used to the macho-ness of human military culture and personally has a hard time even acknowledging her ptsd. but garrus helps talk her through her reservations with seeking therapy and she eventually gets the support she needs.

this is actually quite sound for the military minded turians. wish the place i lived felt the same.