Tag: skyrim

benepla:

i think the best practical joke any video game pulled was Skyrim opening their game making you think the rebellion was this amazing noble cause against an oppressive government (as most fantasy universes frame it), but then you pretty much immediately find out that the stormcloaks are just racists with swords and the empire isn’t really all that terrible save your standard government problems. 

squiddly-diddily:

😤😤😤Talos the mighty! 💪💪💪Talos the unerring! 💯💯💯Talos the unassailable! ✊✊✊To you we give praise!🙏🙇🙌

We are but maggots, 🐛🐛writhing 〰in the filth 👣👣👣of our own corruption! 💰💲🚫🔪While you have ascended😱😇 from the dung💩💩 of mortality, 👥💀and now walk among the stars!🌠⭐✨

But you were once man!👨👨👨 Aye!✅✔✅ And as man, 👦👦you said, “Let me show you the power💪💪💪💪 of Talos Stormcrown⚡👑🔱, born of the North,🆙🔝☝ where my breath 💨💨💨is long winter. ❄⛄I breathe😤😧 now, in royalty,💍👑💲and reshape this land🌐🌄 which is mine. I do this for you,👉👉 Red Legions, for I love you💞💞💞.”

Aye, love. ❤❤❤Love! 💓💓💓Even as man,👴👴👴 great Talos cherished us. 😭😢For he saw in us, 👐👐in each of us,👫👬👭 the future of Skyrim! 👏👏The future of Tamriel!👏👏👏

And there it is, friends! 🙏🙏The ugly truth! 🙀🙀🙀We are the children of man! 👦👨👴Talos is the true god😇⛪💒 of man! Ascended 🙌😇from flesh,👃👃👃 to rule the realm of spirit!👻👻👻👻

The very idea is inconceivable to our Elven👱👱👱 overlords! 👺👺Sharing the heavens 🌌🌌with us? With man?👮👷💂 Ha! They can barely tolerate our presence on earth!🌎🌏🌍

Today, they take away your faith.🚫⛪🚫 But what of tomorrow?⁉⁉ What then? Do the elves 👱👱take your homes? 🏠🏠🏠Your businesses? 🏧🏦🏥Your children? 👪👪👪Your very lives?🔪🔪🔪

And what does the Empire do?🏰🏰 Nothing! ❌❌❌Nay, worse than nothing! ❎❎❎The Imperial machine enforces the will of the Thalmor!🙅🙅🙅 Against its own people!😠😠😠😠

So rise up! ☝☝Rise up,👆👆👆 children👶👶👶 of the Empire! 🏰🏰Rise up, 🆙🆙🆙Stormcloaks!💧⚡ Embrace the word of mighty 💪💪Talos, he who is both man and Divine!👼👼👼

For we are the children of man!👶👦👦 And we shall inherit both the heavens🌌🌌🌌 and the earth! 🌎🌏🌍And we, not the Elves👱👱👱 or their toadies, 🐸🐸🐸will rule Skyrim! Forever!💯✔💯

Terrible and powerful Talos! 👑👑👑We, your unworthy servants,🙏🙏🙏 give praise! 🙌🙌🙌For only through your grace and benevolence 💓💓may we truly reach enlightenment!👍👍👍

And deserve our praise you do, 👏👏👏for we are one! 👐Ere you ascended 😇😇😠and the Eight🕗🕗🕗 became Nine, 🕘🕘🕘you walked👣👣 among us, great Talos, not as god, 🚫👼🚫but as man!👲👳💂

Trust in me, Whiterun! 👌👌👌Trust in the words of Heimskr! 👍👍👍For I am the chosen✔✔ of Talos! 👀👀👀I alone have been anointed 💦💦💦by the Ninth 🕘🕘to spread his holy ⛪⛪⛪word!💌💌💌

feelin-like-a-gh0st:

Paarthurnax is so damn cute. “I forget how little you know of the dov.” Like he’s been sitting on the Throat of the World for hundreds of years with only himself. So when the Dragonborn comes, he finally has someone to talk to, someone who won’t try to convince him to become something bad again. He gets excited and talks to you like a dragon, like a friend. It’s so cute.