“I hope Mass Effect Andromeda isn’t just a dating simulator” Listen buddy, I sure ain’t playing any Bioware game for the brilliant storytelling, if you get my drift. The game’s going to be a mess and we need to accept this going in. The story will just fall apart in the third act and rush towards the nearest climax, no matter how illogical. There will be all sorts of unfortunate implications in the worldbuilding. There will be at least one section so clunky and infuriating to play that as a player base we will all immediately know what it is and focus all our ire on it. There will be at least one frustrating mechanic we will all revile. There will be at least one character everyone wants to romance that Bioware won’t let us romance.
Some of us are just here to bang the aliens.
You’re either here for the Imperialism simulator or the Dating simulator, and honestly the first one ain’t going to do shit for me and my thirst.
Do you ever think about milennial-esque humor in Mass Effect. like.
Shepard gets the Mako up onto a ridiculous cliff and says “what a perfect place to fling myself from”
The human squad members nod thoughtfully while the aliens on the squad are alarmed and concerned
“This is Krogan liquor, it’ll kill you” “okay but, consider: what if I shove it up my ass”
Human crew members pitching up their translaters by a few octaves and laughing hysterically every time someone speaks to them because oh my god, Wrex on helium
“Wait so you’re telling me, that if I jumped off this building right now, I wouldn’t even die?” “Yes” “well what’s the fucking point then”
Sorry to barge into this but I got some ideas:
Ashley dropping a spoon on her foot, looking at it with no emotion and sighing “I’m so tired of being alive”. Shepard and Kaidan look in her direction and nod, Shepard mutters a silent “Same” as they sip their coffee. The aliens are beyond confused.
Going with the ryncol idea – “This might actually kill you if you aren’t careful” Shepard’s eyes lighting up “Ah yes, I’m ready for death” Wrex doesn’t know whether he to be proud or concerned.
“Y’know at times like these I’d rather be dead again. But I can’t since someone-” Shepard looks in Miranda’s direction “HAD TO BRING ME BACK TO LIFE”
Kaidan trips and falls down, but doesn’t stand up, Shepard and Garrus hear a loud sigh. Garrus doesn’t understand why he won’t stand up while Shepard squats near him and pats his back “Me too, buddy”
Joker whines “I’m ready for the sweet embrace of death”
Shepard looks at some sort of radioactive waste, wanting to jump in “If I survive this you’ll give me 100 creds, if I die you’ll throw a party and shoot my radioactive corpse out of the airlock”
The aliens are so confused and start talking to the human crew about that, they’re really concerned about their “wish for death”. Most of them just laugh it off saying “It’s just a human thing, nothing to worry about” and then the aliens try to use the humor but it backfires like Garrus tells Shepard to shoot him in the middle of battle. Tali tells Kaidan to get rid of her suit or Liara tells Ashley to shoot a hole in her head. The humans are like “Whoa, wait, you okay, buddy?” “You do it too, you want to die all the time” “No? It’s just…ugh…those are jokes, but not like…serious…geez. Don’t…just stop it, guys. I don’t think you get it”
this is fantastic, and may I add:
Shepard saying “I’ve been dead inside for years” as a response to anything and everything that they don’t like
on a ground mission on a low-gravity planet, Shep and Kaidan get to the top of a mountain. Shep looks at Kaidan. “Kai, I want you to do me a solid.” “Yeah?” “Please. Put me in a trebuchet and fling me into orbit.” “Yeah, aight.” “Awesome.”
Shep, Miranda and Thane are on a mission. Miranda gets shot, ducks behind cover where Shepard is. They make eye contact and there’s a moment of silence before Miranda whispers “mmmm, watcha say” and the mission dissolves into hysterical laughter.
Ok, but consider this: fatalistic humor survives well into our alien sci-fi future, and this is what humans become known for. Through a fundamental misunderstanding of our humor, it becomes understood that humans are dangerous, they don’t fear death; in fact they die many deaths. They long for it. You don’t cross a human; they don’t mess around. (Humans tend to find this amusing and become even more fatalistic in their humor)
the humans’ claims become more and more outrageous as they start to push the boundaries of what their alien friends will believe.
A human crew member is getting coffee with their alien friend after not sleeping well for the 10th night in a row: “I’ve died like. eighteen times in the past month alone” “whoa holy shit really I can’t wait to tell my other friends” “I, uh- yeah. yeah, really.” *other humans howling with laughter in the background*
discussing childhood: “everyone dies when they grow up” “wait, really” “well I mean…on the inside” “what does that even mean did you die or not” “yeah….. yeah.”
humans stop telling people when they’re joking or not for 2 reasons: 1, it’s really fucking funny, and 2, they want to see just how outrageous the rumors can get
whitemanning critical 